entry twenty five

I seem to not get very far into my reading of Voskamp’s “One Thousand Gifts,” these days before my heart is hit.

“Trauma’s storm can mask the Christ and feelings can lie.

I draw all the hurting voices close and I touch their scars with a whisper: sometimes we don’t fully see that in Christ, because of Christ, through Christ, He does give us all things good – until we have the perspective of years.

In time, years, dust settles.

In memory, ages, God emerges.

Then when we look back, we see God’s back.” (156)

And hand is at lips and the words strike true. How the darkest and blackest of moments are, in all actuality, “the holiest ground…” and “God is closest, at work, forging His perfect and right will,” (156) when the world feels like it’s falling out from underneath.

If someone had come to me over a year ago and said that where I am now is where I would be, I’m fairly certain I would have laughed in their knowledgable face.

It was dark.

In all honesty there have been quiet a few pitch black moments over these last five plus years- and I know I am now only seeing such a small fraction of the perfection God has orchestrated through these trivial events in the grand scheme of this life.

And what’s to come.

grass turtle

It’s that feeling, after a long exhausting day, where the tired just lays heavy in the marrow, and all you long for is the deepest and sweetest of slumbers, when you make your way to relaxing.

When the house empties into the blissful rarity of quiets.

To sit. soak it all in. deep.

The soothing blast of warm four hundred degree air as the oven opens to receive its bounty. and opens once more to relinquish its treasure. and yes, food soothes. almost as much as the rush of that air.

there’s a saying of grace for food, and it is something that brings a trust of provision… there is joy at the dinner table.

if ever any have sat around my childhood table, you know that food speaks to our souls, and I have yet to find one who is not warmed by good food and good conversation.

and isn’t our Creator so creative? and is He not good?

If He can care enough of us to indulge in creating these delicacies to soothe us down to our very souls, is there really the slightest doubt that, when the world looks to falling away beneath our soles, that He is not there- creating something utterly and deliciously GOOD?

Oh dear heart, may you be truly able to hold to these times-

where you are able to turn and see God’s hand in the midst of the crumbling achings-

and hold fast the next time the light fades into night-

resting in the blessed assurance that God, well, He’s passing by.

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