don’t try to live your life by another’s advice

i recently had a conversation with someone very close to me. a conversation that felt more like condemnation and judgement and rules to follow more than anything else. 

it rubbed wrong. and hot.

there was a burning in my throat that begged me to unleash. it felt like i was going to start screaming through the phone until the sheer volume of my voice could possibly peel back their ignorance. 

and it wasn’t because it was convicting. it was because, i truly believe, it was wrong. 

it was about what a wife’s role is.

a role which is changing so quickly and which almost everyone has a slightly differing opinion about. 

so, yes, in the midst of juggling children and chores, laundry and food, and just wanting to enjoy some small part of the day i get someone telling me i’m doing it… all. wrong. 

ouch.

i get told that despite my 4.5 year old, soon to be 3 year old, and 15 month old, my house should be completely cleaned up at the end of the day.

that my children should be completely clean as well, ready for bed, AND happy at the end of the day.

that dinner should be ready and everyone excited for when daddy gets home.

i was very glad i wasn’t facetiming this person. 

because i was red.

the fires inside of me were surging out of my skin and begging me to unleash my tongue on this crazy out-of-their-mind person who who cannot fully relate to what i have gone through, am going through, or most likely ever will go through in my life…

so fold the laundry.

clean the floors.

dust.

mop.

vacuum.

there should be no toys out.

no crying children.

just happy, angelic, stolen-from-the-family-phone-plan commercial family… ready and smiling as they are awaiting the return of the bread-winner.

so… if this is you… if you’re being told this. if you feel like you have to accomplish this. if you are telling others this… here’s something for you: 

there will be stages in your life where “chores” are easily accomplished.

there will be days where the children are not in tears when daddy comes home.

there will be days where you are on top of every.single.thing. and you feel like a rockstar!! (and well you should!!)

but these days will not be your regular days. 

because you live in a house full of tiny humansor even one tiny human… or the person you are judging has a tiny human in their charge… or you are just living LIFE and life is messy, and crazy, and unpredictable, and never the same for everyone… 

so most days will have tantrums. and it’s okay to cry too. 

will have questions. it’s okay to not know the answer. 

will have you on the edge of losing your temper. keep breathing.

will have you clinging to the cross until you swear there are blisters in the skin. keep clinging.

will have someone telling you that you are doing something wrong. keep doing what you know is right.

and sometimes, bite your tongue and let them continue in the ignorant belief that it is possible to have the family from the movies great the husband at the door as he comes home from work to a glistening house and a wife with perfect hair, clothes, and children.

if you’re married, then he’s your partner. they’re his kids too and you are supposed to help bear each other’s burdens. not put on some falsehood of what your day has been like.

if you can do more at the end of the day than just keeping the children alive…

and separating them when they are trying to kill each other…

and changing their diapers…

and feeding them…

and being the nap monitor…

and the juice distributor…

if you find time to fold a couple shirts and throw a load in the wash (with or without moving it to the dryer)

if you can find time to unload and reload and unload the dishwasher again…

or sweep the floors…

or just brush the crumbs with your toes so the floors don’t look quite so dirty…

if you manage to get the kids dinner made before the end of the day…

and possibly all kids naked and in the beginnings of bedtime routine…

then girl, you just did something that was AMAZING … and quite possible not even what an everyday mom is capable of doing!! but don’t feel like it’s a requirement.

or like your worth as a mother or a wife is found solely in what you can check off of a chore list by the end of the day… 

be real people

your worth as a mother and a wife are found in the character of the children you are raising…

and witnessing the fruit of your labor sometimes takes a while…

most likely anything that you have done today that is truly, honestly, worth anything…

you probably won’t even see…

but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there…

focus on raising your children the way you want them to go.

turn your gaze to your Father in Heaven and live all-guts-out-on-fire for Him.

anything else you get done along the way is not something you should gauge your worth by.

so please don’t. 

 

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One thought on “don’t try to live your life by another’s advice

  1. You are so strong in your beliefs and have such an amazing grounding for who you are in the Lord! I am glad that you weren’t persuaded and have confidence in who are you and your worth as a mother. This was a beautiful post! Thanks for sharing!!

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